she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
