Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
