I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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