I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
