can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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