Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
