During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
