It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
