i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
