She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
