the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
