i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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