So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
