I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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