So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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