so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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