in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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