I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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