dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize