I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
