I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
