We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
