she kept yelling 'call me bella'
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
