life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
