Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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