I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize