i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
