who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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