How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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