I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
