I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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