By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
