You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
