I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
