We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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