Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
