I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
