If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
