Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize