woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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