That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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