If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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