She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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