38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
