ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
