so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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