There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
