we have officially lost it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
