my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
