I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
