I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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