I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
