I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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