yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
