To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
