I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
