my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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