Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
