I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
