So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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