No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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