i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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