1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
