Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize