it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
