Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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