Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
