obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
