dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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